Christmas Eve!

It's Christmas Eve! Some years I absolutely love the Christmas season and enjoy the meaning of Christmas, other years I admit, I get kind of scroogy and can't seem to get in the spirit....I just kind of feel mopey and sad and then Christmas is over and I feel relieved. Doesnt that sound awful for a Christian to say? The truth is, I often feel like there's this pressure for Christians to feel joyous and excitement over the Christmas season because of the birth of Christ. While I do feel happy over the birth of Jesus Christ, I can't help feeling a little bit like because I'm a Christian, people expect me to be "in the Christmas spirit" around this time of year. What does that even mean?? What IS the Christmas spirit? I think I've heard dozens of sermons on this subject with reverends and pastors claiming that the Christmas spirit is love, joy, peace, goodwill to men, etc etc. But that all kind of feels like a wet towel to me...those terms are so ambiguous, so vague.

BUT other years I'm all excited about the events of Christmas and love the wintery feel and all that. What is wrong with me?? Of course I'm always happy that Jesus was born, but the whole Christmas story to me is more of a chance to remember what happened and marvel at the birth of a Saviour for the entire world as well as an expected Saviour for the Jews. Remembering something does not necessarily cause joy...it's more like pensive awe in my case as opposed to joy and excitement and "spirit" whatever that means... Is that how normal Christian people feel? Honestly I dont know and I'm beginning to wonder if I care. Maybe this is just my own personality finding its own way to celebrate the birth of Christ. It's more than a "birthday" for Jesus, it's an enormous historical event that changed the future of mankind forever. I can't express my awe over that fact with simple joy or by trying to be nice to people and having goodwill towards men...I just need to celebrate by thinking...wow, what a nerd.